She likes me

I am chatting with my co-worker and she notices that I’m in the middle of editing Jess’s resume. “Man,” my co-worker says, “Jess really likes you.”

Hu? Jess is a lesbian. And a liberal. And very outspoken about both. I am a fairly conservative Christian, and the two of us rarely interact. But, for some reason, she likes me. That doesn’t seem like it’s supposed to happen. The Christians are supposed to like me. The straight men are supposed to want to be around me. She’s supposed to speak highly of the other liberals and lesbians. Right? Though she has every reason to have a wall against me, she doesn’t.

I’m chatting with my wife about this and it occurs to me that this isn’t rocket science and most people have probably stopped reading by now because it’s so obvious. Jess likes me because I like her. Legitimately and sincerely, I really like Jess. When I interact with her I see a gifted and caring professional, an intelligent and articulate human being, and someone I truly enjoy being with.

People tend to like people that like them. I’m not sure it’s all that spiritual to like people that aren’t religious or who the church doesn’t welcome with open arms. But I am sure that acceptance is the first step to influence.

Jess showed up to a presentation I did a couple weeks ago about regret. She took notes and followed-up afterward. I think I have a voice in her life. I think she knows I care about her. I do, but not with a weird motive or hidden agenda.

I haven’t done a whole lot of ground-breaking relationship building with Jess, or with the “lesbian community”. I don’t do presentations or write articles about bringing the Christian and gay community together. I just like her.

Home 2.0

In a previous post (Home) I argued that Christians should have an appropriate and biblical response to undocumented workers and illegal aliens. Our political beliefs should be informed by our understanding of God and God’s heart, not the other way around. So, here’s a few perspectives to help inform this important issues:

1. God cares about people who are oppressed, poor, underprivileged, destitute, and hurting (Luke 4…and the rest of Luke). Not everyone who is undocumented fits this category – but by actively putting laws in place, are we helping to put them there?

2. The US isn’t the promised land. Maybe our job isn’t so much to protect our constitution, economy, and sovereignty. Maybe we actually have an opportunity to sacrifice our own comfort to care about people God cares about.

3. Exodus 22:21 – “Do not mistreat or oppress a foreigner, for you were foreigners in Egypt.” God says – remember, you’ve been there, the people of God have been there. Remember, what starts as mistreating people (like say, Nazi Germany) can turn into slavery.

4. We should be more known for going than guarding our turf (Matthew 28). There is very little in the New Testament about protecting your own turf from outsiders but there’s a lot about going, sending, reaching out, and inviting.

5. God says, whatever we do for the least of these, it’s just like we’re doing it to him (Matthew 25:34-46). So, what if it was Jesus who needed a job? Wanted to send his kid to college? How would you respond?

6. God is sending people out. And when they aren’t welcomed, he tells them to shake the dust off their feet, for they are going to be seriously judged (Matthew 10). Isn’t it possible that God might send people into the US? God’s really willing to use people we think are powerless, who we might think as lowly (1 Corinthians 1) So, are they shaking the dust off their feet because of how we’re treating them?

7. God values hospitality. He values when we create a welcoming, hopeful, “welcome home” environment. See 1 Peter 4:9 and Hebrews 13:2. Think about the stories we may be a part of if we welcome people that others aren’t willing to.

This is just a start, but the more I learn about God’s heart, it seems like we might be missing the boat in how we respond (or even if we sit quietly while others oppress) to those who we don’t welcome.

Good news

I was sitting at an interfaith gathering this week and during the course of a conversation, a woman in her 50s asked me, “why don’t churches talk about sexual assault?”

Most statistics show that around 1/4th of all women and 1/10th of all men are victims of sexual violence . Whether or not we are aware of it, we all know a victim of sexual assault. It’s uncomfortable, it’s personal, and it’s incredibly discouraging – and we don’t spend much time talking about it. The same goes for alcoholism and drug use (about 1/3 of Americans have abused alcohol, 41% have tried marijuana) – we just don’t talk about it much outside of a passing comment about the brokenness of our world.

The above wordle (collection of words where the more common the word is, the bigger it is) is a representation of the impacts of and responses to sexual assault – do you see faith, religion, spirituality, or church mentioned anywhere? Yet, shouldn’t communities of faith be the safest and most healing places for people?

The irony is that this deep hurt, addiction, and shame is exactly what the good news of a healing, freeing, and forgiving relationship with a living God can respond to. Shallow ‘real faith will make your pain go away’ responses aren’t the answer. We should learn how to communicate grace, love, and hope with people’s real pain in mind.

I’m not sure a sermon series on the topic is the answer, but as people who follow Jesus, we should be equipped to talk about and respond to real pain. Our churches, communities, and individual relationships should be the type where people find hope, even when their pain doesn’t go away.

Home

Churches in the 90s were defined by their response to creation vs. evolution. In the eyes of both churches and popular culture, our response and attitude towards evolution defined the church. Think about how much money and energy was put into this one issue! I’m not saying that was wrong, it was an issue that dominated how churches and Christians were viewed – how we responded mattered.

This wasn’t the only culture war of its kind, though it was probably the biggest in recent years. In the 50s-60s it was racism and pacifism. In the 70s-80s, it was music and abortion. In the 2000’s, it was our response to the LGBT community. Polarizing issues plague the church and we pick sides with or against popular culture. Obviously, all of these discussions continue today (but when was the last time you saw the media care about as pastor’s opinion on creationism versus evolution?).

The debate of our response to the LGBT community will continue for years, though it’s slowing down. I think the next critical issue for the church in the United States will be our response to undocumented people, aliens, and immigrants.

We need a good theology of what to do with undocumented people (the bible uses the word alien, but you shouldn’t!). We need to embrace this struggle head on. Instead of picking an opinion and digging trenches (like we did with creationism and gay rights), we should learn to engage in discussion, listen, and acknowledge it’s a complex issue. We should be involved in politics because it impacts people, but be more interested in peoples’ issues than political opinions. So, how should Christians (whether in politics, business, education, or in the neighborhood) to undocumented people?

Tebowing

What should we think about Tim Tebow? He finishes game winning drives and says, “it’s just a game” and talks about building hospitals in the Philippines. Although he’s not a great quarterback (his throwing motion and pocket presence need some work), so far Tim seems like a worthy role model, a better man than quarterback. He’s someone parents can tell their kids to look up to.

For a long time I’ve worried about Christian’s semi-obsession with discovering athletes and actors are ‘one of their own.’ I know some Christians are irritated with him, either as a football player or because of how he carries his faith. Here’s my question – is Tebow a good role model for Christians? Is the way he exhibits his faith something we should seek to duplicate? A few quick thoughts.

Our response to success. “Tebowing” means to to get down on a knee and start praying, even if everyone else around you is doing something completely different. After a great sale, should you get on one knee and thank God? At an awards banquet, should Jesus be the first person you thank? Couldn’t that make you appear awkward, overly religious, and out of touch? Couldn’t it also communicate, “God has given me this, so he must not love you as much as me.”

Should we thank God – yes (1 Thess 5:18, 1 Chron 29:11-13)! But we ought to be careful what we thank God for, because I’ll bet lots of people pray who lose (Matthew 5:45, see also Abraham Lincoln’s second inaugural address). Praising God publically for a victory may communicate the wrong message – instead, give him glory and thanks for being our savior, your freedom, our hope. Isn’t that what we want to point people to anyway? Hopefully your public words match your private work and life.

The way we work on a team. Tebow will only be around as long as he can continue to unite a locker room. Say what you will about the Broncos, they are playing like a team. Tim’s willing to be a team with non-Christians, and coached by a non-Christian. He’s willing to work on Sundays. Sometimes our desire to be “not of” the world (John 15:19) keeps us separated, aloof, and maybe keeps us from our mission (Matthew 28:18-19). Our faith may be controversial on the field, but I hope it is at least tolerated in the locker room. For Tim, I suspect this happens because of his relationship with teammates and demonstrated work ethic. If you’re going to be a vocal Christian at work, you should do your work well (Col 3:23), and your message within your team ought to always be in context of relationship (2 Thess 2:8).

Our work is the primary place we have influence. I’m not sure how long Tebow will be in the NFL. I appreciate that he isn’t waiting until it’s safe and comfortable and he has a 10 year contract to share his perspective about what matters.

People may not want to become ‘one of us’ but I hope they say, “I’m sure glad s/he is around.”

Low Places

I don’t like country music, but I caught myself singing along to Garth Brooks last week, “I’ve got friends in looooow places…” Classic.

I also don’t like church signs (for more on that, read this article). We have several in town that have horrible puns, and I can’t ever imagine someone thinking, “Hey, you’re right, God does have free unlimited anytime minutes – I think I’ll go there on Sunday” or “maybe I should send God a knee-mail.” I don’t think churches are trying to be rude, shallow, or boring – I just think they have no idea how people outside of church think.

I don’t think pastors know how to think like non-believers, mostly because they aren’t around them. Their time is consumed with meetings, sermon planning, and caring to their people. Church people who spend most of their time with church people only know how to think like church people. If your time is filled up with churchy stuff (programs, bible studies, etc), you haven’t spent much time at the neighborhood bbq.

Church people, I think we need to find some friends in low places. Not just because we need to love them, but because they also teach us how to think like people outside of Christian culture. Jesus had an uncanny ability to know what people were thinking. The best way to do this is to start listening.

Second, we really need to empower our pastors to get outside the church walls. Go work at Starbucks 5 hours a week, or volunteer with something that isn’t saturated with Christians. Host a neighborhood party, join a book club at the library.

Am I crazy? I just think if we actually want to introduce people to Jesus, we’re going to have to communicate to them. To communicate to them, we need to understand what they think about, care about, worry about, etc. Listen. They aren’t going to come to us cause we have clever signs on our lawns.

As you are going

Here’s the thing – the Great Commission (Matthew 28) isn’t super explicit. Where exactly am I supposed to go? Are you sure I’m supposed to go?  What if I’ve already gone – do I still need to go? How often do I go? When do I get to stay and make disciples?

The Great Commission starts with the word ‘Go.’ This little Greek word actually means, “as you are going.” I don’t think Jesus command was intended to be a one-time command – it’s an ongoing way of life. As you are going, living, working, doing yard work, attending parties, and raising kids – make disciples. The idea of “go somewhere else” (like on a mission trip) to make disciples is limiting. Yes, we should send people to other places, but for those of us that are here – we should still be going.

I’ve written before that much of Jesus ministry was, “as he was going along.” His ministry is intentional, strategic, monumental, and it all happened as he was going along.

If we’re going to take the latter part (making disciples) of this seriously, it means we may have to alter the kinds of lives we are living. That is, you can’t be making disciples if you’re living at breakneck speed. You probably aren’t making disciples if you aren’t resting. And, if the way you live (how you treat people and spend your money and time, etc) isn’t compelling, you probably won’t get too many followers.

So, let’s go, or keep going, and just think about how we’re going in a new way.

Recovery

Last week I went to a conference session about a university that has a created a floor for college students who are in rec0very from alcoholism. This group of students all have to have been sober for 6 months, and have been in a rehab program. As I listened, I saw fascinating connections between this group (in recovery) and Christians who are in recovery from our former selves. I’ll note quotes from the session in bold, followed by a few thoughts.

“If you want change, harm reduction is more effective than no tolerance policies.” Grace is a more powerful change agent than legalism or perfectionism!

“The strongest predictor of whether someone stays sober is their community.” Alcoholics get in community to admit they have a problem, and nobody pretends to be perfect. We need a community that knows how screwed up we really are, points us to something bigger, and challenges us to live better than we normally would. We also need to be in community because we need to know our mistakes aren’t all that creative.

“The more you know about the depth of the problem of alcohol, the more you know the need to support and not lecture, to give hands on hep and not handouts.” Just replace the word ‘alcohol’ in this sentence with ‘sin.’ The more you learn about sin, the more you realize just how deep, powerful, and controlling it is.

Maybe it seems like talking about sin is depressing, unnecessary, and legalistic. But, for people who are really in tune with the pain it causes and our need for recovery – we can take a page from alcoholics anonymous.

The fear if (inter)faith

I have been charged with leading a group of leaders from various faiths on campus. It is, in a word, hard. In theory, our campus wants to be able to connect with leaders from all faiths so we can have better communication, share resources, and be able to connect students to the spiritual dimensions of their development.

The problem is, nobody wants to come. For our last meeting, we invited 48 groups and 4 people showed up.  A few years ago, I was pretty afraid of other religions. Now I recognize the value of getting these groups together, not to pretend we all agree about theology, but to collaborate around student success. I think interfaith dialogue and connection is pretty rare, and I think many of these groups have the same fears I used to.

So, we (in theory) sit in a room with people representing traditions that have thousands of years of less than positive history with one another. Muslims and Jews, Hindu and Taoist, Protestants and Catholics, Athiests and Ba’hai. What good could come of this?

I propose another question: Why did Jesus heal people? The people he healed died later anyway, right? My guess is that he loves people so much he can barely help himself, he knew that miracles pointed to something miraculous, and that healing touches people’s hearts (thank you Hugh Halter).

Can you imagine if we were able to create relationships where these historically hostile groups respected and cared for one another? Could you say it was anything but miraculous? Could you say that people’s hearts were not touched? Furthermore, what if Christians were the group that was over-the-top loving and sacrificial and caring?

If we believe we have the truth, why are we afraid of people asking questions? Why would we ever be afraid of being around people who believe something different? I work on this project with a fabulous graduate student (who also attends a local seminary) who studies Paul’s interaction with the Greeks. She says, “We need to know someone else’s language well enough to use it to our advantage.”

We should see interfaith as an opportunity to build relational bridges. One leader told me, “I would come, but what would the perception of my students be if they saw me there?” Instead, our biggest Christian groups on campus are being shown up by the Mormons.

Showing up to a conversation doesn’t mean you agree with everyone there, it just means you respect them and care about them enough as people to listen and maybe work together. Rather than showing up ready for a debate, Christians ought to actively pursue places and people they don’t understand so they can listen. How can we become all things to all men if we don’t get to know them?

Sign twirling and spirituality

Everybody knows that trying new things can be enlightening and growth-producing. I think there are some non-spiritual things that are probably good to do.  Here is a short unsolicited list of things every pastor (moreover, every person!) should do:

1. Become a sign-twiller for a day. Are you someone who is afraid people are watching your every move? Too self-conscious to try something new? Here’s what every good sign twiller knows: to make the boss happy, I have to be comfortable in my own skin; the more free I am, the more appealing my product; it’s not about me, it’s about pointing people somewhere else. Get out and dance for a day, and be sure to wear a funny wig.

2. Tweet. I know you can’t say everything in 140 characters, but not everything that needs to be said needs to take 40 minutes to say. I think it’s a great skill to learn to say something in a short memorable statement. Besides, being long-winded on Sunday almost certainly correlates to being long-winded in other environments where we ought to listen.

3. Shadow someone for a day. Here’s the thing, being a Jesus follower looks really different in a church office than it does in a corporate office, hospital, or school. Why not go follow someone from your church around for a day and see what it’s like for the people you are leading every week. Don’t try to be a pastor that day, just be a person. Go be a cop for a day, or a 2nd grade teacher, I bet you’ll learn a bit more about how they can bring Jesus to the jail or the school.